Pairing: tofuho (onew/minho)
Warning: character death
Disclaimer: I wish I could but I really don’t own them.
Summary: Dr. Choi gets too attached with his first ever vegetative patient.
A/N: Written for shawol_haven 's 10 Challenge. omg!! I never thought I could be this nervous. XDD
Doctors most of the time make assumptions on why people are sick and then they will proceed into making physical examinations to diagnose the specific condition. They get to know what’s wrong with the body that they are checking up but that don’t make them feel what the sick person feels. That doesn’t make them realize that maybe there’s something happening in their that even logic cannot explain, something that even science have not discovered yet. That is something similar to what happened to Doctor Choi.
It was the usual afternoon for Doctor Choi Minho in Seoul Central Hospital. He along with two other doctors was in charge of the emergency center from 3 pm up to 1am but extended sometimes if there will be a big emergency.
It was already 7pm which is the time for him to take a break. It was exactly when he was about to go out of the room, an ambulance came rushing with its loud sirens.
Nurses started running around to tend to the ambulance and take the patient to the emergency room and apply whatever treatment will be needed. Minho then started walking to take his break when one of the nurses called out his name.
“Dr. Minho, please wait! This person is dying. We need help, like now!” said nurse Kibum who’s trying to stay calm. It wasn’t necessary to repeat the sentence when Minho started running towards the patient in that small stretcher where he was lying.
He ordered the nurses quickly to take vital signs and ask the nurse next to him. "What happened to him?"
"The boy tried to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge. When the ambulance arrived, the patient was already unconscious.” reported one of the nurses who were with the ambulance. "We think that he has some broken bones by just simply looking how high the bridge was and he really needs to be examined now to know what injuries he is suffering." he continued. "It's really a miracle that he is still alive...well breathing at least."
Minho didn't stop his efforts to verify the patient’s condition while listening to the details. He began to observe the patient who was now lying on a stretcher in that emergency room of the hospital as he continued working on stabilizing the patient. He later noted how this guy, who seemed to be few years older than him, was kind of attractive, even under this circumstance. He thought it was a shame that the guy attempted committing suicide when there were many good things for which to live for.
After this, the patient underwent surgery several times to improve his physical condition by fixing the fractures he had.
As time went on, they got the patient's name and primary data that was found inside his wallet that he had in his pocket when he was brought in the hospital. "Lee Jinki" said Minho while reading the data as he tried to find a family to take charge of the patient. Unfortunately, there was no emergency contact number found and no one came to ask if there’s a patient named Lee Jinki who was confined in tat hospital. They even teamed up with the police station just know if there are some people who had been looking for this guy.
Just a few weeks, Jinki's body was recovering as a whole except with his mental state. His head received the most severe shock when he committed suicide. As a result he is still comatose. Jinki was in a vegetative state.
For Minho, Jinki was the first patient he had after graduating from a medical school in Japan that was going through this kind of severe situation. Many of his colleagues were telling him that the best thing to do in cases like this one is euthanasia or mercy killing of the patient. It would rather be better if they will just take off all those apparatus that supports his life since they are just making the patient suffer more. Jinki apparently had neither a family nor had a legal guardian who could take care of him or just even decide on that particular matter.
Another thing was that, Jinki's bill in the hospital is beginning to increase and Minho knew himself that because there isn't anyone who could be in charge of the young man, the hospital will soon opt for disconnection.
Minho in the meanwhile is trying to do everything in his hands to prevent this from happening. He is starting to get attached to his patient. It isn't very comprehensible but he is getting a feeling for Jinki. His has a feeling for someone that according to everyone is a person who is fortunate to live because of the grace of the apparatus connected to him.
But Minho had never lost hope. He started arriving at the hospital at least an hour before his shift starts just to sit beside Jinki for a little while. He also often started talking about his life and sometimes about personal problems, but in these conversations, he mostly talked about good things he experienced every day. He would sometimes tell the almost dead body in front of him the daily stories of funny patients that attended in the hospital.
“You know last night came this old woman with a back pain. She just talked Japanese and no one can really understand anything she said and the only one who could was me and I was on my break and then Kibum came rushing to me with this face that was really funny, something worth to see haha. Anyways the thing is that I helped the woman and told her she should rest and such and later she asked me about Kibum and said that he was weird. I asked her why. She told me that he kept saying “homo janai” that means I'm not gay and she replied “wakata” which means I got it but it’s just that he kept on repeating that. I had the laugh of my life just to tell you. I will keep teasing him for that. Kibum even told me that it was the only word he knew in Japanese and it was because he saw it in a drama.” he told Jinki that story as if the other could laugh at it also.
Other times he would tell Jinki if a surgery he performed went successful with a patient. In short, he alone created closeness between them. It was a closeness that as time passed by, was slowly taking place in his heart.
He really didn't want to put a label to their closeness, if there was one to begin with. But he was rather trying to find ways to ignore what he was creating because, really, it sounded stupid, the idea of: "You know what? I think I'm in love with an unconscious patient who doesn't speak, doesn't move, that can't do anything in general and most probably don't know who the hell I am." So to say being in love with a patient in a vegetative state isn't really the best idea.
Four months later, things had not changed much, at least not for Jinki, as Minho had seen. He was still bedridden and obviously he still couldn't answer to Minho and as in general there was really no much hope for him.
But Minho really had it, the hope. Minho reached the point that he thought of Jinki even before going to sleep. There was even a time when some nurses started teasing him, saying he had already lost his charisma and it is all thanks to that patient. He really didn't go anymore to the parties of the hospital staff or any other extracurricular activity he was invited to. He mostly focused himself on making life happier for his insentient patient. Well, he really had the hope he was doing so.
There were days when Minho stood in with such good mood that he even brought flowers for Jinki and sometimes scented candles.
“Jinki you know what? I'm called flaming charisma in this hospital, or at least was. Many of my friends say that I have the aura and power to motivate others. You know, like candles, with just one candle turned on you can light the rest. But you know what I noticed? That most probably it's not true because right now there is only one life, one person I would like to turn on his life. But every day it seems to become more impossible. I would like to see this person awake and cheerful. I wish I had seen him before he took the decision that made him the way he is now.” he said.
“Also, I’ve been thinking, why should I be called flaming charisma if I can't be like a lighted candle, if I'm unable to light another candle? What's the purpose of my flames when I'm unable to make new fires emerge out from mine? You know what I mean?” he pause as if waiting for a reply and sighed, “Sometimes I don't understand why I care so much, you know? Perhaps it's maybe because I have never lost the life of any patient into my hands before. And this time seems like it will be the first time.... I'm trying my best, Jinki. I just wish that you also try.”
“Sometimes I wonder why you tried to take your own life away. You know I have this list of things I would like to ask you, questions I would like to hear answers to and not this deafening silence that hurts.”
There were some days like that, where Minho was frustrated, days where Minho questioned and confronted his patient of why things weren't getting better.
But in general, Minho tried his best to motivate Jinki, to let him know that there are things worth to living for. Sometimes he would tell him about how beautiful the day is or how the flowers are blossoming beautifully that morning. All he wanted with that was to motivate Jinki to fight to live. Because being a breathing person didn't make him a living person and he wanted Jinki to notice the difference. He wanted whatever reason made Jinki lost his wants and will to live disappeared and see that there are still many beautiful things to live for, to feel for, to experience.
“Jinki you can't give up. Fight! Overcome this state of unconscious! Open your eyes! Show the world you can do more than just vegetate.” He said.
Like that, more months passed and Minho seemed to be the only one with the hope that something will happen, something supernatural, something out of the logic of science that would happen to Jinki. Since all doctors had lost hope, well he is an exemption.
At the end of the ninth month, Minho was called in a general meeting in the hospital conference room.
“Minho, we are very pleased with your work in our hospital. We are very happy to have you with us.” they said. “We have convened here to tell you about a particular case. The patient Lee Jinki that you've been attending for the past nine months, we concluded that we did all that we could do, Minho. We believe it is time to disconnect him.”
Minho could not really say much to change the opinions of them because practically they are telling the truth. It was just him who was having a hard time accepting the truth.
“Jinki. Jinki please do something, do it yourself. You are the only hope left to save yourself. I can't do more, Jinki. ..... They're going to disconnect you. They will be doing it this week Jinki. And then there is no turning back.” Before he went out of the room he once looked back to Jinki and he suddenly felt like crying. He wished him to be well with all his might.
“You know, today is the last day that I come to see you. After your disconnection, I don't think I will be strong enough to see you starving to die. I hope you will be strong! And I really don't know if you will be suffering or not without the dextrose.” he paused. “I don't really know what else to say Jinki. It was a pleasure meeting you, and it could have been better if it wasn't under this circumstance. I really hope at least you're going to be happy where were you will be going. I'm going now. Good bye.” Sayonara Jinki, ore no hontoni chikara ijoo desu (Goodbye Jinki, it’s really beyond my power) he said and paused again. “Fight this Jinki..... please.” he tried once more.
Minho did as he said and never visited Jinki again. Jinki got disconnected and it was just days before he will die without his dextrose.
What Minho or anyone else didn't' know was that Jinki felt everything.
He heard every word Minho said. He suffered every pain his body was going through. But most importantly for him was that he felt Minho's words and he wanted to answer back, to say something but he just couldn't wake up. His body wasn't responding to him.
He was then starving, the pain was unbearable. He felt like his dumb body was getting even worse. He felt how the pain increased each time and he knew what was coming. And in other time he could’ve wanted this to come, he before did wanted to die, but not now. He didn’t want to, because before dying he wanted to do something. He wanted to live, live for real and he was trying his best to respond just because of that.
Before his decision of attempting suicide, his life was nothing. There's was nothing worth living for but now, he finally found a reason to live. He realized that there was a reason to live more than just breathing. Minho was his reason to live. He was the only one that kept the hope to never give up on him and Jinki wanted to wake up just to thank him for that.
Jinki wanted to wake his passive body and say thank you to Minho for make him live again. He wanted to tell thanks for being the only one there when he was immobile. Tell him thanks because Minho gave him life again.
But the mistake was already done and the consequences of it were now dominating him, claiming him. And even when he knew that, he was fighting he was trying hard to fight against it, against the logic, like Minho said to him before, but he was losing the fight. Even when he was trying his best to wake up, the body was working on its own and ignoring his commands, dying instead.
Then he just wished he could tell the other that he was the only one that made him want to live again.
I hope I did good even when this was sad
sorry for killing tofuho again /fail me XD